She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
