I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
