the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize