**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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