She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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