Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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