Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
