this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
