Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
