for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm always down for nudity.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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