the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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