There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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