I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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