had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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