Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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