Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
