i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
