You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
