you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
