i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
