Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
