My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
