Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
