He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
