you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
