so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
