I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
