He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
