Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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