this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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