is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
