I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
