It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Shame is for Republicans.
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