She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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