Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
