Duck Duck Cougar?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
