It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
