i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize