I hate your face
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
