I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
