Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
