when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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