This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
