We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
