Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
