Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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