I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
