Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
