don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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