On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
