You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
