i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
