...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
