LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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