I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
