i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
