office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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