i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
