New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think people are normalizing furries
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
