is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
