There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize