Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
