my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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