Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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