You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
