my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My bed smells like the plague
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
