oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
