I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
