How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
