my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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