I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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