Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The best revenge is premature balding
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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