Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
