My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
