Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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