I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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