I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize