beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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