Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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