True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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