UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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