another moral hangover. fuck.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
