this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize