I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
