I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
