I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
